The Crazy Nastyass Honey Badger

# Honey Badger Don’t Care

About the video:
In 2011, someone sent a video to a guy named Randall. The video was footage of a honey badger doing crazy things.  Randall thought to himself, “you know what, this narrator is not good.  I’m just going to have to take over.”  And by gosh he did.  He uploaded the video on January 18, 2011.  Since that time, it has been viewed almost 100 million times.

Here’s the full transcript:

This is the honey badger. Watch it run in slow motion.  It’s pretty badass. Look. It runs all over the place. “Whoa! Watch out!” says that bird.  Eew, it’s got a snake! Oh! It’s chasing a jackal! Oh my gosh!  Oh, the honey badger is just crazy!

The honey badger has been referred to by the Guiness Book of World Records as the most fearless animal in all the animal kingdom. It really doesn’t give a shit. If it’s hungry, it’s hungry.  Eew! What’s that in its mouth? Oh, it’s got a cobra? Oh, it runs backwards?

Now watch this: look a snake’s up in the tree. Honey badger don’t care. Honey badger don’t give a shit. It just takes what it wants. Whenever it’s hungry it just – eew, and it eats, snakes.  Oh my God, watch it dig! Look at that digging.

The honey badger is really pretty badass. It has no regard for any other animal whatsoever. Look at him, he’s just grunting, and eww eating snakes. Eew what’s that –  a mouse? Oh that’s nasty. Oh they’re so nasty. Oh look it’s chasing things and eating them.

The honey badgers have a fairly long body, but a distinctly thickset broad shoulders, and you know, their their skin is loose, allowing them to move about freely, and they twist around.

Now look – here’s a house full of bees. Do you think the honey badger cares? It doesn’t give a shit, it goes right into the house of bees to get some larvae. How disgusting is that? It eats larvae. Eew, that’s so nasty.  But look! The honey badger doesn’t care! It’s getting stung like a thousand times. It doesn’t give a shit. It’s just it’s hungry. It doesn’t care about being stung by bees. Nothing can stop the honey badger when it’s hungry. Oh what a crazy fuck! Look, eww it’s eating larvae, that’s disgusting.

There it is it’s running in slow-motion again. See?  Now, what’s interesting is that other other animals like these birds here, they just like to wait around until the honey badger is done eating, and then it swoops in to pick up the scraps. It says, “you do all the work for us, honey badger, and we’ll just eat whatever you find, how’s that? What do you say, stupid?”  Look at this bird: “Thanks for the treat, stupid!”  “Hey, come back here,” says the honey badger.  Birds don’t care, and you know what? The jackals do it too. Look at these little dogs. They’re like “Thanks stupid! Thanks for the mouse! See you later.” The honey badger does all the work while all these other animals just pick up the scraps.

At night time the honey badger goes hunting, because it’s hungry. Look! Here comes a fierce battle between a king cobra and a honey badger. I wonder what’ll happen?  Look at this, there’s the honey badger just eating a mouse, and then look, “Get away from me!” says the snake, “Get away from me!” Honey badger don’t care. Honey badger smacks the shit out of it. And the snake comes back and it lashes right at the honey badger.

Oh, little does the honey badger know, FYI: it’s been stuuuung! It’s been bitten by the snake, so while it’s eating the snake – eew, that’s disgusting.  Meanwhile all the poisonous venom is seeping through the honey badger’s body, and it passes out. Look at that sleepy fuck.  Now the honey badger is just going to pass out for a few minutes, and then it’s going to get right back up and start eating all over again, because it’s a hungry little bastard.

Look at this! Like nothing happened! The honey badger gets right back up and continues eating the cobra.  How disgusting.  And of course, what does the honey badger have to eat for the next two weeks?  Cobra.  The honey badger!


Now find out why everything about the platypus is weird.

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